Monday mornings are usually the worst day of the week..

Well I've made it to school and worked out all before eight o'clock this morning. I'd have to say that i'm a little but tired but I can only blame myself for that being I didn't go to bed until almost twelve.

I wanted to kind of recap on what happened yesterday. I was pretty down on myself yesterday and my self esteem hit an all time low. I've had those days before and yesterday I wanted to kind of get it off my chest and write it all down. I've been thinking alot about yesterday and have realized that I don't every want to do that again. I don't like feeling this way.

For awhile now, i've been feeling...I guess you could say empty. Ok, again I don't want to come off as some wierd chick who's just looking for attention, being dramatic, whatever you want to think of it because that's just not it. For the most part, I am a content individual who has great freinds, great family, what more could I ever ask for.

But I feel like there is something missing.??

I always think about when i'm out running is what my purpose in this life is? I mean I feel like I wake up everymorning going through the motions. My life had become a routine that starts from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed and then it starts all over again. I feel like I am searching for something. Something life changing maybe? that will get me out of this rutt i'm in. I feel like I need some change in my life, some excitement, I don't exactly know what. But I don't know how to make that change.

I feel Like I should be doing more with my life. I go to school, workout, do my homework and occasionally if I have time read a book because any more that's the only thing I enjoy doing. I'm not like most kids who hang out with their friends on the weekends, go to parties, the movies of whatever it is they do. When I do something I always do it alone.

Geezzz... Honestly I'm rambling now writing whatever it is that comes to my mind so I don't even know if any of this makes sense and I really don't have the time or the energy to go back through it and edit it so this is what you get. Raw! lol

My point is, I'm tired beating myself down all the time and feeling like crap. I need to make some changes and I need to start doing more things i enjoy. I need to focus on myself and making me happy. Which is why I wanted to tell whoever is reading this that I'm going continue with writing my book. After watching my mom for six months write every night, creating something I hope some day millions of people will enjoy, I want to do the same. I already had a couple of long chapters typed out already and pulled those out last night and started to rewrite Chapter one.

I think it's pretty good and I hope I can stick with it. Along with keeping up with my school work lol

Anyways, this morning I'm doing better, not great, but better and i'm going to fight harder to get out of this funk that i've been stuck in for way too long.

No worries
=)